I know, it's been a while. I've been going through some stuff, (she says as she laughs out loud). As you may well know, I'm in the middle of a divorce after 14 years of marriage. If you didn't know and this is news to you, then you must be hiding under a rock or dealing with your own personal stuff. As I do know that I have not paid much attention to anything but my "stuff" for a while, and if that's the case with you I completely understand. Anyway, if you read my last blog, which I wrote in April, I spoke about how much hatred I had consuming me. Well, I still have some hate, but it's no longer consuming me. Maybe my grieving period has ended, or maybe I just have some great friends that really helped me pull through what I hope to be the toughest time in my life. (On that note, special thanks to Lisa, Jolie, Cathy, Jessica and Doug, who I'm sure all thought I had completely lost it for a bit.) And although I believe grieving and my friends do have a huge part in my recovery, a few weeks back I read something Mother Teresa said and it made me realize how much you can't control how other people treat you, you should be you anyway. So, here is her quote for you to read and hopefully take to heart.
"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy over night; Build it anyway. The good you do today, people will forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you've got and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway." -Mother Teresa
Now, when I read this I could immediately put peoples names in place of the word "people" and the statement would still be true. I won't re-write it with those peoples names, but I'm sure you could do the same. But more importantly, I use to be very forgiving, kind, honest and frank, and kept building a life I knew was being destroyed by someone else. I did do good, without asking for recognition and I feel I was giving the world the best I had. I didn't do these because I thought it was between me and God, I did these things because it was how I was raised. Because it made me feel good to do them. Because that's how God built me. When my life fell apart, I became bitter and hateful. And I felt I had to fight to keep these parts of me from dying. I didn't want to be forgiving. I didn't want to be kind. I didn't want to build something. And then, I read this statement and re-read this statement and re-read this statement. And somehow, my old self peeled her way through the bitterness, madness, and hatred and here she sits typing her blog again. Trying to be funny, and not really succeeding. But still trying. I am a better person now than before my life as I knew it was torn apart. Better because I've not only seen hate, but I felt it. And I know how bad it really feels to be bitter. And I know I don't want to be like that.
