Hate

I had no idea that I could be capable of the amount of hate I have inside me right now.  I just read my last blog from 2011 and in it I talk about how bad the year was for me, and how I am optimistic and see the good in people.  Well, that attitude pretty much screwed me over in the first quarter of this year.  My husband has left me for another woman.  Only, he's been lying to me about it for months.  He tried to make me think it was my fault he doesn't love me anymore.  It is so not my fault.  I am very concerned about myself now.  Like I said, I didn't know I could hate like this.  I'm not a hateful person, but right now hate is consuming me.  I've been praying, and maybe that's whats keeping me from completely snapping.  Although if any of you saw me a the bar the other night, you probably thought I'd snapped then.  I spent the day yesterday in bed, not sulking in my misery, but just trying to figure out how not to hurt someone with the hate that was filling my insides.  I hate him.  I hate her because she knew he was married.  I hate him for doing this to his family.  For leaving me to handle the kids and stress they are going through.  And this is a legitimate hate.  There is no other word for it, and I don't even know if hate is a big enough word for how I feel.  I've always been forgiving, not forgetful but forgiving.  I've done nothing but good things for my marriage.  Stood by my husband in tough times, supported him in his career, dealt with his drinking and gambling and planned all of the events that we did together to keep our marriage strong.  Why does he get to do this to me, to our family?  Why does he get to walk away from us, leave us suffering and not suffer himself?  I have no more sadness, and I am past anger, all there is for him and his new girlfriend is hate.  So, does anyone have any advice on how to keep the hate from consuming me?  Prayer is good, but is there anything else?