I know the actual quote is "Get it together, man!" and it's from some movie that I can't remember right now. Probably a Leslie Nelson movie as that seems to be how I'm remembering it. Yes, I think it may even be Airplane, but I'm not positive. Side note...Airplane is a great movie and if you haven't seen it then you must rent it, or download it, and watch it right away. Back on track...when I think about the things going on in my life right now, (i.e. mom is dying, finishing school, working 42 + hours a week, feeling guilty because I'm not home enough to help out around the house and Eric has taken over those main task, missing football games and gymnastics practices, gaining weight, lack of sleep, and so on and so on), you would think that I would be falling apart. But I'm not, I seem to be holding it all together alright. But I do wonder where my breaking point is and when it will hit. And what will happen when it hits. Am I the type of person that will not eat or the type of person that will eat everything in sight? Am I the type of person that will crawl in bed and not get out until someone makes me or the type of person that will get in my car and drive far, far away? And what will be my breaking point? Will it be when my mom dies or will it be when something small happens. I'm so afraid I'm just going to go off on some client at work one day because they disagree with everything I say, or worse, tell me I'm wrong. Don't come into my showroom and tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about. I've been in school for this crap for 6 years. I will have a degree specializing in interior design in 3 months. And, I don't talk about things that I don't know. If you are ever in a conversation with me and I'm not talking, it's because I don't know what you are talking about and have nothing to contribute. I may however, just because I like to talk, ask you some questions so I can learn more about what you are talking about. Sorry, I got side tracked again.
My point is...I'm scared and yet I'm not quite freaking out about it yet. I'm worried and yet it's not showing as much as it should be (well, I do think it's showing in my face some). I'm tired, but I still get out of bed every morning and go throughout my day as if nothing is wrong. I'm sad, but I don't cry all the time. These are not normal reactions to such emotions, therefore, at some point, it would seem that I will fall apart. That I will have a nervous break down. And I wonder if it will be a full blown nervous break down, or just a panic attack. I've only had one panic attack and frankly, I don't want another one.
